she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
