I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
