Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
