I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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