Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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