Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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