you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
