this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
