i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
