I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
