its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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