Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
