He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
