I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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