Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
