It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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