I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
