i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
