Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
