She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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