Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
