Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
