I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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