you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize