I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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