I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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