If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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