just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i think my cat just said my name.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
