I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
