Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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