my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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