Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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