for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
