tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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