i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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