I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
