Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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