Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
