If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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