She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
