I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
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I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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