it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
