i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
