Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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