Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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