I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
