I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
