Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
