I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
