I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
