a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
