Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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