Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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