im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
