ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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