woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
