i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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