i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
