After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
