just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
