im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
