You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
