God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
