Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
