totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
