Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
