I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
