just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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