I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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