I wannas sexs uuuuu
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
