How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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