eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
