Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need water and some morals
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
