Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
