ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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