hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
