Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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