grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
