i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
