Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
