my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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